The Naked Experience takes club members on a funtastic voyage
Some of the cool swag that Club Naked members will collect during The Naked Experience.
Heads up, Club Naked members. Visit the Naked Winery tasting room in Bend on either September 20-21 or September 27-28, and you'll tumble into an alternate universe of wine, whimsy and wisdom.
Compare it to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, if you wish, but we all know Alice probably would have preferred a tour through The Naked Experience, if only because, well, there's wine.
Lots of wine. Naked Wine. And we all know what going Naked can lead to....
Becky Williams, Naked's Secret Weapon, is heading up the project to create an experience that she says “will be fun and memorable but unlike anything they've experienced before.”
“They” being Club Naked members, that is. Here's how the Experience unfolds.
Show up on the wine pickup weekends of September 20-21 or September 27-28, step through the door and converge on the first of five “Experience” stations.
Your greeter will introduce you to the Experience. You will receive an “I got lei'd” name tag, and a lei. You'll also get a choice of sips, either Naked Pinot Gris or Fling Gewurztraminer, paired with almonds or apricots.
At the first stop, almonds represent an aphrodisiac thread linking all the stations. Naked takes no responsibility – but full credit – for the after-effects of consuming five aphrodisiacs in one hour.
Before heading off to the next stop, you'll have your picture taken. Then, upon arriving at the next station, club members will get a tattoo that says, “I just got lei'd at Naked Winery.” They also will sip Foreplay Chardonnay or Bareback Sweet White, and snack on goat cheese with crackers, or figs (another alleged aphrodisiac).
The third station is where guests get a Riedel Pinot Noir glass with which to sip some Dominatrix Pinot Noir or Booty Call Blush, while nibbling on strawberries and whipped cream.
At each station, guests will get fun and practical swag. For instance, at the third station, it's a matchbook bearing the words, “I burn for you.”
They also receive a “Nakedized” Mad Lib form to complete. Rest assured, the tale will be completely tasteful and appropriate for work (not!) but true to the you of its creators.
After that shmokin' stop, guests move to the next stop where they get a Naked Winery condomint (for later use, ahem), and sip from either the newly release Full Monty Red Blend or Blazing Straddle Sweet Red. Pairings include dark chocolate and hard salami.
Because this station is where the video camera comes out, to record you reading your personal Mad Lib, all you ladies may want to touch up your lipstick, and guys, please, plug those butt cracks.
Last stop is an enormous chapel, where guests can renew their Naked vows. How? The ceremony is simple and your officiant will lead the way, drink Cougar Semi-Sparkling from a champagne flute, and munch a bunch o' wedding cake. Naked, after all, is all about cementing and enhancing committed relationships.
Guests will complete their experience by picking up their club shipment, adding any other bottles that catch their fancy, and in celebration of the experiential climax, sip some Oh! Late Harvest Riesling or Oh! Tempranillo.
Williams says the Naked team has been working on The Naked Experience since mid-winter, brainstorming ideas and polishing presentation.
They've even written scripts to help Naked Winery Escorts get visitors into the flow.
“Chapel bells will ring every ten minutes, cueing people at each station to move along to the next station,” Williams says. “It'll be just like a play.”
Except that the performers will be the audience, and vice versa.
Hey, come to think of it, vice is … nice. And that's sooo Naked.